Gosh and criminey! I am finding with the summer comes extra uncle duties, there’s hardly been time to write what with all the childs running hither and tither. My modern retelling of war and peace will simply have to wait.

But fret ye not, as one particular Small hath inspired me to fashion and post something even better-er-est! This remarkably bright and well-mannered young man goes by many names-Boof, Loam, Emmett, Wig the Second of Goundringham on the Wolds. However, he’s a modest young chap and wishes to remain anonymous, so I shall simply refer to him as H.R.

The following is based on a true story and nothing has been exaggerated or embellished. It is a chronology of actual happenstances and you must believe them no matter how inconceivable and unlikely they seem.

So without further ado, this latest offering is for a particularly special Smallboy at bedtime. Ladles and Jelly Spoons and HR, I give you: Mummy and the Messy Monster (OR Where’s My Monster?)

I thank you.


Mummy and the Messy Monster/ Where’s My Monster?

‘Look at all this mess!’

Cried mum.

‘There must be a messy monster loose

Wild and on the run!’


There is jelly all over the kitchen

There’s mud all down the slide and swing.

There’s monster paws all over the living room,

Snacks and cake all over the bouncing-thing.

1.jpgI’d better track down the monster,

Before he can make any more mess.

Perhaps it’s an ogre, or a grubby goblin,

Perhaps it’s the sea monster of loch-ness.

2.jpgThere’s got to be a messy monster somewhere

But where could he possibly be?

I bet he’s busy in the truck stop truck wash

Making all the trucks bright and shiny.

3.jpg‘Nope, he’s not here at all’

Says mum.

‘The Messy Monster’s escaped again

Off to find even more messy fun’.

BIs he working in the train station?

Ensuring all the trains run on time?

The fat controller says, ‘not here, Mum.

And the train track is all covered in slime.’

4.jpgId best check upstairs for the monster

Perhaps he’s hiding under the bed.

But Soggy Doggy says ‘He’s not here.

Why not try the bathroom instead.’

5.jpgSo is he in the bathroom?

All the bubbly duckies quack ‘he’s not here’

But there are lots of pencils and crayons about

So he has to have been quite near.

6.jpgMum said, ‘Well where can this monster

Possibly be?

I’ve looked almost everywhere

Even behind the big TV.’

c.jpgBut I think I can hear a tell-tale noise

It’s a Messy Monster’s snore I’m certain

We’ve been playing hide and seek so long

He’s fallen asleep behind the curtain!


Here’s my messy monster!