It is rather weird, unbecoming and uncomfortable talking of oneself, but this is part of my pitch for the future, so it’s quite important… so, enter the Satyr himself:



Hmmm, well I guess that about does it. Wasn’t so difficult after all! Okay, bye then…


Oh all right then, I suppose I’d better proffer some particulars –

I’d like to earn a human wage as a full time writer!

All the writers out there, throw your biros in the air! Whoop! Through WordPress I have fulfilled my life ambition – to publish and get my work out there to the masses and into the great unknown! Scary stuff and a long time coming, I can assure you. is my portfolio, my calling card, my exhibition. However these pieces are samples not necessarily for traditional publication, but merely to show prospective clients/ buyers/ colleagues what i am capable of.

So long and short, I am exceptionally hard working, ambitious, wonderful to work with, full of ideas and have a reasonably healthy chunk of talent and so much more yet to produce. So, if you are a publishing agent, or indeed a publishing house or a screen producer and you like my work get in touch via email or through this site. I would love to hear from you.

Anyway, onwards…or rather, backwards. A bit of history:

Since I was a kid, I have been writing about the urbane, inane, insane absurdity that is modern life. I write primarily to entertain myself (and hopefully others), but more so because when I finally grow up big and strong I don’t want to have to go to a proper job like a proper person. But that takes time. I have to get good first… hello Satyr Tales and thank you WordPress!

Therapy? Hmmm, the less said about this the better, but it is true – having my mind burrowed deep into a writing project is therapeutic and highly recommended. By the way, I am no doctor and there are different strokes for different blokes.

I’ve been toying with the idea of taking my first toddler steps into my career as a writer for quite some time, but have been unsure of how to go about it. Well, let’s hear it for WordPress! I’ve also been fretting that my lovingly produced words are not good enough, not funny or clever enough for publication… but stop. Look, behold: posts/articles! Assess for yourself and let me know!

I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Creative Writing with Film & Television at Derby University, England. It’s about a one and a half hour’s drive, or five-hour train ride*, from my home town of Grantham, Lincolnshire. My life goal is to write big ol’ stories and screen plays, particularly sitcoms and black comedies. I am quite bemused by the world in general, but especially the people in it. Most things deserve to be made fun of. So I shall!

(*G-town is a tad backward: we’ve only just grasped steam-powered locomotion.)

I have come to realise that I’m not that cut out for the real world, so I sit alone in my dark cave deep in my misty forest and write about it instead. I can be quite cynical, satirical and sarcastic, jovial and eccentric. I usually use a lot of visual comedy and really messed-up random gags, and I love word play. I guess you could say that a lot of my influences stem from what I watched as a kid, including Black Adder, Red Dwarf, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Bottom, Spaced, Father Ted and many more. And that is basically the likes of what I want to achieve! So any producers out there need a budding writer to pen their next big TV sitcom, let me know! Anyway, onwards…

Since graduating, I have moved down to Cambridge to work as an administrator in an educational institution / a stooge in an idiot factory. However, I’ve always had this nagging feeling that I should be spending my time writing something instead. Ever since kid-school I was always engrossed in one project or another, and I hated going to bed, doing unimportant things or even seeing other people until the project was finished. Therefore, my world tends to revolve around whatever I’m working on at the time. I enjoy every movement of being wrapped up in words and word play, and love reading the finished article as a whole. Then re-reading it. Then re-editing it. Then re-reading and editing it. Then re-reading the re-edit, then… you get the picture.

I also have a passion for lyricism – so, I suppose, poetry, as well. It started off very early in life when I just couldn’t get playful phrases out of my head and would lie awake till the wee small hours trying to think of something else to paw over. The only way to get some sleep and get the words out of my head was to write them down. Although it’s not always best to do that in the dark, because if it was a good idea you’ll kick yourself in the morning when you can’t read your own handwriting!

Towards the end of school I really got into music in a big way and found I could come up with lyrics easily, as well as relevant rhythms, key words and phrases to suit the band, the sound and style. Naturally I’m in, and have been in, a fair few bands for which I write lyrics – some of which may feature here later on down the line. I find it quite fun to write lyrics as a band, too. But that is an entirely different medium and I shall comment on it another time.

Well that will about do it for now. Any question, comments, advice or just a nice chat and a cuppa, contact me!

All the best


The Satyr