Satyr Tales’ Orcs and Goblins VS Ulthred’s Infernal Dwarves.

16th Nov 18 (sorry its taken so long! But Nemeroth, this should give you something to read with your remaining eye!)

Ref post. This was one hell of a mighty clash. Chock full of thrills and spills, ups and downs, heroism, blind luck, insane and unthinkable bravery, insane and unthinkable cowardice. 

Nothing has been embellished. You couldn’t make this stuff up! I don’t really do it justice as so much happened so fast and I was trying to take notes pictures and play at the same time. Anyhoo, enjoy!

Version:                      2nd Edition. 

Points:                        3500

Deployment Type:   Front Line Clash

2018-11-16 09.56.31
Da Field and deployment zones. With a few Infernal Dwarves milling about.

Secondary Objective:      King of the Hill

Ulthred chose the wood in front of my centre battle line. After much deliberation, because I suck at this, I chose the woods opposite where my artillery would go. They can shoot everyone else off it and then make a mad dash to secure it at the close of play. That’s the only bit of plan and common sense I employed this game. Or ever.

2018-11-16 09.57.21
The Greenskin objective: a cache of gubbins.
2018-11-16 09.57.27
The Infernal Dwarf objective: Some arcane gubbins!



Da horde deploys.


Ulthred won to chose sides and deployed everything straight away thus securing the first turn.

The Hobgoblin Wolf Riders got to vanguard deep into my centre, but I had no vanguards.

Da first casualty of war! Ulthred super-glues himself together. Fine work, sirs.


Infernal Dwarves Turn 1

No charges. They only got short stubby legs.

2018-11-16 10.15.49
The Infernal Host stomps forward on the offensive.

The wolf riders vanguard and their first move takes them into the face of my battle line.


Magic:      card La De Dah (1 i think), was 5-4;

Haze of Magnesia (HoM) was invoked on the Big Ol Spider; it was cast, just, despite the MR 2 special item; The resultant Attribute went on the Squiggly-jumpy-things but i don’t think much damage occurred.

2018-11-16 10.20.28
The Gargrotula bursts in to flames, first victim of the dreaded Haze of Magnesia Spell.

Cascading Fire went on  the spider to thoroughly roast it , but I dispelled with my entire pool…



The Wolf Riders plinked away at the Gnasher Dashers but no damage ensued.

The Volcano Canon moved into position so couldn’t shoot this turn.


Orc and Goblins Turn 1

The Gnasher Dashers attempt to charge off the Wolf Riders, although stand and shoot does 3 hits, but no wounds are scored.

2018-11-16 10.33.04
Chaff off!
2018-11-16 10.32.57
The Green tide lurches forward. Note the Gortach hunting xmas cake in the distance.


No magic. No wizard. No Shammy. No chance.



Both Splatta’s missed the Hob Goblin Sneaky Gits skulking in the field.

The crew of the big ol spider, the Gargrotula (built entirely by Grotlings and powered by some weird green stones they found) shoot the other hobgoblin unit but everything missed.

The crossborcs let rip on the other Sneaky Gitz not in the field, but only manage 1 hit and wound.



The Gnashers only hit the Wolf Riders twice! But still, two die in chunks. The cave goblin riders missed entirely. The wolf boyz kill a Gnasher! Bastards!

Its 3-1, even with the ID BSB and general close by they failed their break; the Gnashers pursue but the leery gobbos disappear through their own lines and avoid being caught.


Infernal Dwarves Turn 2

The Volcanic Cannon passed its demonic fury so it was free to act how Ulthred saw fit.


The Kadim Incarnates threatened a charge into the Ed Bashers boars who elect to flee through some terrain but take no damage. The Kadims then take the opportunity to redirect into the orcs.

Just through my bad deployment I’ve totally wasted my heavy cavalry, I had to risk them getting caught in order to get them out the way of the Gobbos behind them, redeploy and be of some use. Fool of a Took!

The Kadim Incarnates chase away the orc heavy cavalry and redirect into Da Boss’s boys. That’s a damn long charge.

The gobbos pass their panic for having been fled thru by the boars. They’re some damnsome brave Goblins

Everyone gets in. Bad times for me.


Magic – card 8, all swaps, 10-7

As its going to be a big Magic Phaze, Warboss Bad-To-Da-Bone plays his Binding Scroll on HoM to take that out of the phase. To be fair Ulthred hinted that now was a good time!

The ID Prophet Bubbled Fiery Swords, but miscast on 5D. I let it go because my whole pool would never overcome it; the miscast did bugger all to the sorcerer himself, only doing 2 hits and 1 w. Although 1 of his minions went up…or down, in flames.

2018-11-16 10.47.54
Despite a miscast, a bubbled Flaming Swords goes off with out a hitch.

Due to the banner on the Immortals 2X the attribute went on the gobbos, 2w, 1AS. What a wash out!

Boosted CF on orcs, miscast, backlash. No damage to the sorcerer, again. But a few orcs perish crisply. God damn it!



The Gunnery Team attempts to unleash its fiery spume of death uponst the luckless gobbos, but it misfires, breaking down for the remainder of game. Noo! That’s damnsome unfortunate. Mwah ha ha haaa!

The Blunederbuss guys let rip on the big ol spider, they are ranked up so 6’s are extra hits. They get 12 hits, and with Flaming Swords they’re wounding on 4’s. With re roll they do a pant quivering 7w. Luckily the Gargrotula saves 3 of them. Phew! But wait, he’s not out of the woods yet.

Then the after effects of HoM bursts into flame. But no wounds inflicted! Wow, the Big Ol’ Spider just dodged a massive fiery bullet with its name on.

The Volcanon thing unleashes on the closest gobbos, its D6 hits plus lots for lots of ranks. However it somehow only scores 7 hits, only 3w. 3 dead. I can handle that.


Combats: The Orcses pass their fear test caused by the Kadim Incarnates. The KI fight first. With Battle Fury all hit and 8w!

Feral Orc Warboss Bad-To-Da-Bone slaps away, doing 3 Ws, but 1 is aegised.

The Spear Orcs stab away erratically but only 4W are scored…although all got passed the Kadims aegis!

Canogrot, the Goblin BSB did 2w with his great weapon but 1 was aegised.

Volcanic Embrace DSW and 1 are W. All go thru. [Not sure what any of that meant, but probaly a couple of orcs died]. Stomping failed to wound anything.

It’s a draw but the orcs win by a musician. Luckily the ID BSB was nearby and made the remaining Incarnate hold on in there.

2018-11-16 11.05.28
The Kadim shock troops rack up a healthy body count and hang on in there!

Orcs and Goblins Turn 2

The Gargrotula  charges the volcano canon. It’s a risky move but the big bastard needs to die otherwise it’ll wreak terrible damage on my steadfast blocks in the main battle line. The corridor of death in the ID line was tight and I didn’t want to be an arse so charged in the remaining Gnashers too to avoid a mess.

2018-11-16 11.17.39
Da Gargrotula leaps into action attempting to take out the Volcano Canon before it takes out my blocks. Easy right?

The gobbos sidle around their generals unit converging on the centre objective. The ‘Ed Basher boar boyz rally. I’ve totally wasted them. Sigh…



One of the Rock lobbaz aims at the Hob Goblin Sneaky Gits (HGSG) in the field and misfires wounding itself. Gah!

The other direct-hits on the same but only kills a measly 5 gits, they pass their subsequent panic test.

In for a penny in for a pound the xborcs shoot the same and kill another 4.



The forest goblin warboss, aka. Da Red Grot, mounted on the Gargrotula only puts through one smegging wound on to the Volcanon with his lance.

The spider itself only puts through one smegging wound but is then aegised.

The gnashers chomp about and only gets through one wound. Which is then aegised. Argh!

The cave goblin riders do diddly squat. Meh!

The forest goblins crew atop the Gargrotula manage to do 2w! Although one is AS. God damn it. What a spectacular spaff up.

I close my eyes hold my bottom and prepare for the ultimate ass kicking.

The Vol Can kills a Gnasher easily but only puts 1W on the spider!…Say what?

Somehow the spider survived and wins the combat by 1. The canon is unbreakable so just shrugs it off and makes a mental note to do better next time.

Ok, I’m amazed that the spider is still alive but i’m disgusted at how poorly it did. But its all academic now as its going to get flanked by some poison toting hobgobbos and a dirty great giant now.

Meanwhile, in centre field-The orcs pass their KI fear test. Warboss Bad-To-Da-Bone swipes first and with battle focus hits every time and does 4W! whoop! That’s how its done big hatted-dwarves! They then all get aegised away…really? Really! Apart from one.

It’s just enough however and the last KI expires. He does get to strike back as he shares the same agility with the warboss for some unfathomable reason. I think he went at my BSB, Canogrot (who shouldn’t of been where he was in the unit btw) and wounds the lil’ blighter despite his 4+, 4++.

The orcs reform deep ready to take the charge of the Immortals gunning for the objective.

What a huge turn! What a huge fluff! Ulthred and I are exhausted already!


Infernal Dwarves Turn 3

The Immortals burst through the forest over the objective woods to charge into the orcs…But miss by a gnats pube.

The blunderbuss charge the nearest column of gobbos intending to make short work of the short greenies.

2018-11-16 11.37.20
The ID BSB and blunderbuss retinue crash into the gobbos but the Immortals fail their charge into the orcs.

The Sneaky Gits that were damaged by shooting charge into the flank of the poor Gargrotula along with their giant. Poor Spider, not long for this world now.

I believe the almost undamaged unit of Sneaky Gits make a long charge into the xborcs. I assume the orcs stood and shot but haven’t noted down the damage. So i’m guessing it was irrelevant.


Haze of Magnesia Phaze:

Card 7, 8-6 after swaps an stores

HoM on Orcs, cast on 9 with just 2D, but dispelled on 9 with 3D just to be sure.

FS on Imm, but failed to cast (FTC).

CF cast on lots at orcs, boosted. Failed to dispel even with 2MR from various special items. The nasty fiery conflagration does 14 hits, 8W and 2 are armour saved. Still…ow!


The Wolf Riders shot a wound off a rock lobba at long range. bah!

2018-11-16 11.37.35
The Wolf Riders manage to damage a Splatta despite being far, far away and rather blurry.


My spider braces itself in preparation for Mr F£%k-up.

Da Red Grot goes ahead and kills 3 hobgoblins. Its not going to be enough.

The giant with his whip flays the spider but only manages a single wound. Didn’t see that coming.

The sneaky gits stab away in the spiders flank with poison doing a respectable 3W. But 2 are AS. I assume they passed their fear test caused by the big bastard.

The forest goblin crew manage to down a couple of the gits. Go gobbos! Is it going to be enough?

After much deliberation the spider finally decides to try and take the giant out with its poisonous things. It manages a few poison hits one of which was the venomous fangs strike. The 4 normal wounds go through but the thing that could have killed the giant, the multi-wound Venomous fangs attack was saved on an AS of 6! Gaaah!!!!

Somehow the lone Gnasher managed to put 2W though on the canon, but one was AS.

The Volcanon steps up to splat the spider and end this ridiculousness; However it fumbles doing only 2W, 1 of which is miraculously saved leaving the spider on 1W. Phew!

2 stomps from the spider kills a single hob goblin; Somehow the spider wins 11-6! Despite being ranked, flank, drastically outnumbered and bugger even before combat began. I take it all back Gargrotula, I love you.

The Volcanon is unbreakable so doesn’t care. But the Sneaky Gitz, even with their boosted general’s leadership, fail by 1! And leg it. The giant also ends up with LD 3 and legs it too! And so begins a very complicated and messy mass route on that flank.

2018-11-16 11.56.32
The startled Gargrotula survives sending the Hogoblin Sneaky Gits and their giant running!

The giant and his HG retinue both ran from the Spider 6 inches; they both went through the wolf riders who failed their panic and joined the stampede. The massed exodus of the ID right flank has begun!

The Sneaky Gits slash out at the Xborcs; only 3 attacks miss and 3 poisons are secured, 5w in total, 2AS, 3 dead. OW!

However, the Xborcs step up doing loads of hits and killing 5! I’m impressed.

Its 7-6 to the orcs and the HG failed on LD5. Wow! They join the rest of the slave route.

2018-11-16 12.11.15
The Crossbow Orcs make me proud, bye-bye little Hobgrots! Join your friends and don’t come back!

In the Blunderbuss VS goblins battle, The vizier slays a single grot.

The blunderbutts do average hits and 4W, 1AS, 3 dead.

The grots managed a wound but it’s AS by the ID’s bad ass armour.

The Grots lost but hold steadfast by their own discipline. Some very brave gobbos.


ORC TURN 3. Its only turn 3, people!

Payback time!

The Xborcs charge the fleeing Hob Goblins who flee again above average. The shooty orcs then redirect at the fleeing giant who runs again but back toward its deployment zone. Leap frogging fleeing unit’s all-round! The xborcs persue 8’ so I guess maybe someone is whipped out. Its very messy!



The wounded rock lobba shoots the fleeing giant at a distance and splats him with max wounds! Ok, you’ve made up for yourself now, I love you too.  I hear by dub you Giant Slayer!

2018-11-16 12.12.53
See that fleshy lumpy thing covered in armour slumped in the field? That was the giant…

The other Splatta missed entirely. Again. Grrrr.


Warboss Red Grot puts a wound on the Volcanon, somehow, with his measly S4.

The spider does 4 hits 4 poisons, no AS or aegis and the thing is dead! Dead! Before the beastly thing could splat the last wound off the spider.

The spider and remaining gnasher both pivot to face the orc spears combat in centre field.

In the BB VS gobbos combat, the vizier BSB kills 1 gobbo and the gobbos kill a BB.

The BBs do 4 wounds but 3 are AS! Only one dead grot. Die hard goblins? Doesn’t sound right.

The grots still loose but hold out on snake eyes! They must have scoped the demise of the ID flank routing and thought, ‘just a little while longer lads. Hold on just a little while longer!’


Infernal Dwarves Turn 4

The rather angry Immortals are so close they auto-charge the orc spears. Its looking bad for the reduced orc unit. They’ll never hold out on their own.

The Wolf Riders flee the field! The Sneaky Gits flee some more but the smaller knackered unit of now just 10 manages to rally!

Phaze of Magnesia:

HoM on Orcs, FTC, 1 Fizz.

FS on Imm. Cast 15, I used whole pool and managed to dispel but only just.

CF on the poor orcs killing another 4.



The BSB vizier kills a couple more grots.

The BBs do lots of hits with Battle Focus but only do 2W! One of which is AS.

The gobbos hack and slash back, somehow doing lots of hits and 3W! Every one of which failed to be armour saved!

The BB’s win by one but the gobbos pass their steadfast check, again, by themselves, again! Gutsy gobbos, hold the line!


Next door, Warboss Bad-To-Da-Bone kills a couple of Immortals single handed despite their seemingly impervious armour.

The spear orcs rack up 5 kills with no saves made! I’ve noted ‘extra AP’ but no idea why. AP2 with spears and Born to Fight surely?

The Prophet takes a pot-luck swing at Canogrot, the goblin BSB, with his multi wound-crush attack potion thing and kills him out right despite his aegis! Oucheroo! Sticky green paste and a snapped flag. That’s gotta be bad right?

The Immortals finally swing and dispatch another 4 orcs. There ain’t many of em left boss!

After all that we tote up the score and it’s a draw with a musician on each side. Thank funk. I don’t think the orcs are steadfast any more. Plus they won’t get their born to fight next round. But seriously, they should have been crushed, right?


ONG Turn 4

Charge!  The Ed Basha boar boys slam into the flank of the Imms and the nearby gobbos go in to the Gunner Team. The Gargrotula rear ends the ID BSBs unit.

2018-11-16 13.53.46
The Ed Basha Boars finally do some good and join the fray.
2018-11-16 13.57.07
The Gargrotula is on its last legs but rear ends the BSB and his Blunderbuss unit. Closely followed by his faithful Gnasher Dasher.
2018-11-16 13.54.10
The Crossbow Orcs storm the recently rallied and much depleted Hob Goblins.


The Wounded rock lobba, recently named Giant Slayer, misfired with a horrible result. I re-rolled for the overseer eventing an even worse result. Breakdown! But who cares, he slayed a giant.



The Gobbos jab at the GT, only a few hits scored which don’t wound.

GT rolls snake eyes to hit.

Its 4-0 to the grots with a charge. The gunnery team breaks but doesn’t make it very far the gobbos pursue but still cant catch him.


Badtodabone does 4 hits on the Immortals, doing 3W and 2 dead.

Both the boars that can attack get snake eyes. Grrrr….

The Ed Bashers only manage to kill a couple of Immortals. Useless.

The orc spears fluff entirely and do no damage at all.

The prophet kills an orc.

The Immortals and their champ do a bunch of wounds with battle focus but I can’t read my own writing. They do good though!

It’s a fricking draw again!!!!!!! ARGH!


The spider has got into the rear of the BB who failed their fear test twice!

The spider goes to town but after AS only 3 BBs dead.

The Gnasher and his rider hash completely.

The mighty forest goblin crew slay another unbelievable 4 Dwarves.

The Vizier heroically attempts to take the last wound off the Gargrotula, making two hits but no wounds!

All the BBs that can, target the spider, intent on its demise and bagging a whole bunch of points in the process. One hit but no wounds! Oooooo, thats a damn lucky Spider-Thing.

The common gobbos strike, only 2 wounds go through but both miss their save. Uh oh.

3 stomps from the spider inc 1 on bsb. The Musician is killed but the bsb is saved. Auto break. WAAAAGH!

Hm, I haven’t noted how Da Red Grot did, but i’m sure he helped a little.

The gobbos hold and pivot to face the flank of the Immortals as does the Gnasher but the spider can’t help itself and careers off after the tasty although rather crunchy unit of BBs. With swift stride it over runs them and stomps them into pate.

Over on the flank near the OnG BO the HG strike first and do a mighty 5W but after AS only 2  heavily armoured orcs die. The xborcs kill 3 Sneaky Bastards back. Its 6-3 to the orcs and the HG flee, again. The xborcs hold and reform to eye up the BO in a column type way. The HG only fled 2 inches though! Damn.


Back over in centre field near the ID BO, Warboss Bad-To-Da-Bone makes 2 wounds and both Immortals fail their AS.

The pigs manage to kill a guy, huzzah!

The prophet kills 2 orcs or 2 ed bashers, not sure which.

And the Immortals finish off the last of the spear orcs. Bad times.

The Ed Bashers almost entirely whiff (they’re going on the spit tonight along with their pigs) but do take down one of the few remaining Imms.

I think it was another Draw? Otherwise the Immortals lost but held due to bodyguard.


OnG 5

The spider turns back round to face the centre combat.

The Gnasher Dasher and the freed up goblin unit flank the tiny immortals unit.

2018-11-16 14.35.11

The crossborcs form a column facing back the way they came and secure the objective.


Its on!

The Imm champ issues a duel. The Warboss has to take it up coz the Ed Basher champ is too far away. The recently arrive gobbos don’t have a champ to push forward in his stead.

Bad-To-Da-Bone swings and with BF all attacks hit, 4W, 2AS. One dismembered Champ.

The Gnasher does 2w but 1 is saved.

The piggies whiff again, as do the night goblin riders and the gobbos who have just flank charged.

The Prophet kills the last Gnasher. Booo! I liked him. He done good.

The immortals standard does a wound on a boar boy but it is AS.

A single Ed Basher hits, wounds, but is armour saved. Grrrr…

The Dwarves loose but still hold due to body guard just passing their check. Which was scary for Ulthred as his BSB just got trampled by a massive spider.

The other unit of Gobbos get loadsa hits on GT  but only 1 wound went through its thick armour.

The Gunnery Team makes a hit but fails to wound. Its 5-0 to the gobbos. The GT breaks and legs it loads. The gobbos pursue but can’t quite keep up somehow.

2018-11-16 14.43.50
The Gunnery Team eludes death once more.


Infernal Dwarves Turn 6. Last chance heroes time.

There’s not a lot to move because if it isn’t dead its in combat.

Magic: card 5

Boosted CF on Warboss Badtodabone, The prophet cleverly singled him out because he no longer has a unit to hide in. Its cast on 17 despite my MR special item. I used my whole pool to dispel and still failed! But I got a couple of fizzles back, like that’s gonna help.

This is rather scary. The spell does 9 smegging hits and 3 wounds. Exactly enough to kill me. I just need to make 1 aegis, just one otherwise my general is outta here and that’s a whole bunch of points for the enemy…but I do make 1 aegis on 5++! oh my gosh, we take a short break while i change my under wear.


The Prophet issues a duel which Badtodabone has to take up. Oh god, he’s gonna finish the job! Well played Ulthred, end on a high.

However, with BF all Badtodabones attacks hit, all wound and all go through the Prophets armour. Down you go Beardy! Killed outright in one sitting. Thank you Badtodabone, i love you.

The Boars tusk away on the Immortals standard bearer (because that’s all that’s left.) 1 hit but no damage

The standard bearer himself swings and takes down a boar boy. Good god, they supposed to be heavily armoured! They dropping like flies!

The Ed Bashers whiff again but manage to pull down the standard bearer. Thank funk for that.

2018-11-16 14.52.35
After a very long, very bitter hard fought combat, the enemy general and his body guard finally go down.

OnG Turn 6

In celebration of his hard fought battle Warboss Bad-To-Da-Bone bellows his War cry! The Gobbos charge the fleeing Gunnery Team who leg it miles. However, with their extended charge move the gobbos catch ’em!

That’s it. Tabled. Every things is either dead or fled. Game over. Pub.

2018-11-16 14.43.50
Last left standing. The gunnery team is run down by some exuberant goblins.


God knows, we were too exhausted to do maths. I’d lost my Gnasher Dashers and Spear orcs and I suppose the Gargrotula was decimated. Ulthred lost everything and I secured the secondary, so you lot work it out.

We went to the pub straight afterwards to celebrate and go back over the incredible game. However, we were so tired we both fell asleep in our beers. We’re so cool.


MVP’s and Wrap Up:

For the Infernal Dwarves it’s the Immortals. The doughty dwarves held on to the very last moment with just a handful of guys. Since turn 3 or 4!

Worst unit, not an easy call. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but the Gunnery Team could have been a lot better. But because it misfired on its first shot it turned itself into a very expensive one man chaff unit. Poor thing.

The giant should have been amazing but failed to keep his gobbos in line and kill the spider. Despite every effort and all the things weighted in his favour. Just bad dice really.

Magic was horrid for me as usual despite the MR arsenal. You just cant stop everything.

Magic almost did for my general right at the end. Was a close run thing, Ulthred could have got a lot of points back from killing the BSB, which he did, but the spider and general too. If both the gen and bsb had gone down that would have been me. The rest of the army would have just crumbled without them.

Mind you, against all reason the gobbos were immensely brave and held on in there all by themselves. ‘We don’t need no stinkin’ orcses!’

It was touch and go, the spider failed to take the last wound off the giant and vice versa, the giant failed to take the last wound of the spider. All logic says the spider and his warboss rider should have perished horrifically swiftly, suddenly and violently. Go Gargrotula!


Green MVP? Da Red Grot on Gargrotula for hanging on in there, refusing to die and coming to the rescue of the main battle line? Oh and helping kill the enemy BSB?

Badtodabone for checking everything that came at him and slaying the enemy general at the close of battle? And not perishing himself despite being attacked and flambe?

Giant Slayer for slaying the fleeing Slave Giant? Who knows, you decide.

Oh yeah, or the Crossbow orcs for fending off Hobgoblins left and right and securing King of the Hill!

My Ed Basher cavalry are always a let down but then that’s probably my fault.


Tired now. Its been a pleasure though. Comment, feedback always appreciated. Be good to one another.


Kindest Regards

The Satyr.