The choking, roiling fog finally abated long enough for the Prophet of the Bull God to consider his next move. His Infernal Host had marched blindly off course and now their flank was exposed to an uncharismatic and rather pointy chasm.
Across the plateau the witch fire torches of the Dread Elves could be easily recognised, their cavalry already making head way to mid field; this felonious host were already confidently making their battle line apparent. The Prophet’s expedition clearly wasn’t going to sneak by without a fight.
Unperturbed, and after a brief swig of Lava Schnapps the Phrophet was ready to start thinking coherently…Now was not the time for grumbling and blame, the time for immediate and resolute action was nigh…
NB: I cant be arsed to sort out what happened in the magic phase. All you need to know is what I tell you and that these guys were on it. And i’m scared. Every now and then i’ll chuck up a ‘what card did you pick’ photo, but it doesn’t really matter. Good luck everyone.
Whom: Dread Elves VS Infernal Dwarves
What: 3000 points
When: Marching columns
Why: Secure Target.
After his initial three deployments drops Nemeroth threw down all things to steal the first go. Coz he’s Dread Elfy like that…It’s almost as if he had a plan!
The self-same general’s Executioners took to the North eyeing up the furthest Battle Objective from the cameras point of view. The RBT guarded the southern objective, daring any vertically challenged fire fetishists to tread within their field of influence.
The Knights That Say Nem! And Spearelves made the centre and gazed at the Infernal host with a desperate, irrational malignancy in their pointy eyes.
Ulthred ordered his Hobgoblin spears to fend off the elite Elven infantry thereby leaving the Kadim and Blunderbuss to take on the Spearelves. All else bunched up in the centre ready to take advantage of waifs and strays and spoils anew.
Pretty Much Final Depolyment:
The Hobgoblin Wolf riders pelted across into no man’s land and indeed the field harbouring one of the objective markers; readying themselves to draw the fire of the Elven Artillery.
The Dark Raiders took the opportunity to start running in some early interference with the all too confident mounted gobbos. They knew better.
Spells n Such:
Dwarven Magic…yeah right! What? Seriously?
Dread Elves Turn 1
The Executioners made a dash towards the Forest and Northern most objective, the Raptor Knights closed in behind for support. The elite elven infantry made good on staying out of the charge and fire arc of the Volcano Canon guarding the woods.
The Dark Riders go long and put themselves out of reach between the Wolf Riders and Kadim Incarnates.
Magic: Card stuff and things.
The Dread Elf Sorceress General opened proceedings by casting Twisted Effigy on the Volcano Canon to inhibit its shooting capabilities.
Ravens Wing then went on the Spear Elves but the cast failed.
The Dark Raiders let loose on the Hobgoblin Wolf Riders with their crossbows. After a resplendent 14 shots at close range only 5 hits were scored. Just a brace of the twisted grots toppled from their rabid mounts and then went on to pass their panic test. Hmmm, dem grubby Greenies are tougher than they look.
The Elven BSB took a couple of pot shots at the Kadim Incarnates with his crossbow but missed. Nevermind, its early days yet.
Both the Repeater Bolt Throwers sent a single big bolt at the Volcano Canon but couldn’t cause any damage.
Infernal Dwarves Turn 1
The Volcano Canon passed its Demonic Fury test and waddled about a bit.
The Hobgoblins attempt a long charge into the Executioners on the other side of the woods but just didn’t have the legs.
The Kadim Incarnates burn forward into mid field ready to annoy the Spear Elves at their earliest convenience.
The BSB’s blunderbuss unit takes to the hill ready to pepper the encroaching Dark Raiders.
The Prophet stoked up Haze of Magnesia on the Executioners; it was cast on a mere couple of dice but resoundingly dispelled on 3D. Nemeroth was taking no chances on letting Ulthred make this phase any more potent and unpleasant!
Flaming Swords was then conjured uponst the Hobgoblin Spears facing down the Execs but this was dispelled too.
With no pool left with which to defend himself Nemeroth had to let Cascading Fire assault the Executives. Although a couple of the nasty elves were saved by their armour, 5 of the brotherhood perished in the flames.
Nemeroth had braved the fire storm and held his head high! Bring it on stunties!
The Volcano Canon belched at the Raptor knights but it either missed or failed to cause any damage. Probably due to the casting of the Twisted Effigy spell that I forgot to note earlier.
The Gunnery team shot at the Executioners but only killed a couple. They then passed their panic test.
The blunderbuss shot the Dark Raiders but only mange to down a single guy.
Dread Elf Turn 2
The Sorceress imbued a boosted Ravens Wing on the executioners to fly them round the flank of the Hobgrot Spears. Saucey shenanigans. No dispel attempted.
The attribute, Evil Eye, went on the Kadim Incarnates to slow them down somewhat.
Twisted Effigy went on the gunnery team, cast by lots. Unfortunately Ulthred failed to dispel it. The attribute again went on the KI for a -2 movement penalty.
The Raiders managed to put a wound through on the Incarnates.
Grouping their fire the RBTs managed to down one whole fiery monster and wound another. Only one of their shots missed!
The elven BSB then plinked off another wound! Apparently Elves don’t like fiery beasties.
Infernal Dwarves Turn 2
It’s hotting up already! I can barely contain my stored up urine as Ulthred declares an all-out assault!
The Kadim Incarnates charge the Dark Raiders. The fast cavalry elect to flee but go through one of the RBTs. Luckily it passed its panic test.
Despite the infliction of Evil Eye the Incarnates redirected their charge (on snake eyes!) to slam into the Spearelves.
The Volcano Canon charged the Raptors who fled, love that move, and I would have fled too. Sigh…The beastly barrage daemon thing needed a healthy 10 to catch them, whatever right?…But did! Poor lizard knights. Nah, that’s not right. I love me a good knight. That was anything but a good knight.
The Hobgoblin Spears swift reformed into line formation to face the naughty Executioners trying to evade their attentions.
Nemeroth invoked the power of his Binding Scroll to nullify Haze of Magnesia for a turn.
Therefore Ulthred elected to store as many tokens as possible in readyment for his next turn.
Flaming Swords was cast on the grots with a spicy 3D, but Nemeroth really didn’t want lowly goblins to lay waste and ultimately flambé his Execs as they closed in to combat so used his whole pool to do away with it.
Boosted Cascading Fire then killed another 4 of the Execs. They not having a good time…
The two resultant attributes incinerated 4 herpes; the remaining one passed her panic test!…Yup…Its that kinda battle…
None. Not one plank was -plinked.
After passing a fear test the Elven BSB attempts to twot the Kadim Incarnates but whiffed spectacularly.
His Spearelf retinue jab away, only one guy missing his target. They do a resounding 5 wounds, leaving only 1W left on the last fiery beastie.
The remaining Incarnate attempts to kill the BSB, Ulthred deciding its worth an assassination attempt despite the Elf’s flame retardant aegis save. All of its attacks hit with an additional one from Battle Focus. He managed a mighty 4 wounds with AP2. But they were all saved. Boo! Nice try though.
The Kadim then stomped an elf into smouldering pate then Volcanic Embraced another two, the Elven BSB managing to elude damage again.
The Elves win by lots and although the Incarnate only failed his supernal break check by one, that’s all the wounds he had left. Bye bye! That’s a fizzle right there.
Dread Elf Turn 3
Legging It Phase:
The Execs are pretty much forced to charge the Hobgoblin Jabbaz who naturally held and taunted their assailant whole heartedly.
The Spear Elves and BSB crunch into the Blunderbuss and Infernal Dwarf BSB unit. The Blunderbi stand and shoot in reaction but only manage about 6 hits, but all of ‘em wound. 1 elf is saved by his cardboard armour. They passed their panic check, go exremly expensive cannon fodder… Phew, crack on…
The Dark Raiders rally and instantly zip forth off towards the gunnery team. The lone herpy also moves to challenge the strange device.
The sorceress take cover near the impassable terrain around centre field ready for a sorcerous bout of evil.
Ravens Wing went on the harpy to make a cheeky sweeping attack on the gunnery team. No Dispel attempt was made and the plucky pigeon-girl actually managed to poke off a wound! Seriously! Who saw that coming?
See, every time Nemeroth plays a blinding Magic Phase. Half the time in the Moves Times I’m thinking, ‘dude, what ya doin’? Seriously?’ But no…seriously. Then he go do something like this and I’m like….What the F(^£? Just happen’?…
Anyhoo, Twisted Effigy went on the Infernal Sorcerer and his Immortals to inhibit the aforementioned mages casting. Ulthred used his whole dispel pool to shoo it away with much splendour and gravitas but still failed!
Hmmm, at this point I’m seriously considering that I really should have brought more beer to this thing. I’m running dry. KILL EACH OTHER FOR GODS SAKE! The bars going to be closed at this rate.
The Raider’s plinked away at the gunnery team doing a respectable 7 hits but only 2 wounds. Still, they left it staggering around on only 1W left!
The RBT closest to the lake finally put the damn contraption out of its misery while the other RBT wiped out the fleeing Wolf Riders.
The Assassin kills 3 Hobgoblins with ease while his Executioner retinue dispatch a healthy 9 more.
The pesky grots stab back doing a respectful amount of hits; of the 7 wound scored no armour saves were made. Ow. The Hobgrots loose but make their stubborn/ steadfast check. They then reform to add ranks. Hm, that clearly shouldn’t have happened…but theres till time…right elfies?
In the BSB vs BSB scrap, the elven hero whiffed again! His spears strike and manage to deal death to 4 plucky blunderbuss guys.
The Infernal BSB attempts to finish what the Kadim started and targets the Eleven BSB doing a startling 2 wounds. [No save? Hm, not sure about the number of wounds…observe later occurrences].
The Blunderbutts strike out, doing a Blunderbutts woth of hits but only nailing 1 wound.
The elves win but the Blunderbums are steadfast and hold. Damn stubborn brutes. Unfortunately the Spearelves can’t reform to add ranks otherwise they’d take combatants out of the fight.
Infernal Dwarves 3
Ulthred goes for a titanic magic phase and swaps all his tokens including his stored tokens for power dice.
Haze of Magnesia squirted all over the spears, but the cast failed due to the Twisted Effigy.
Cascading Fire erupted on the Spears, but was just dispelled.
Flamming Swords went on the Blunderbuss to try and bust them out of that combat. It’s cast and Nemeroth has no DD left, both attributes went on the Dark Raiders. 3 wounds scored but all were armour saved! Lucky!
What a wash out!
Seriously, when you need magic to be your friend, its just a bastard…
The Assassin disembowels another 3 grots. Again.
The Standard and Champion are all that remain of the Executioners unit and only manage to kill another hobgoblin.
The Green Gits sense victory and ruthlessly poke away. Although they only mange to do 3 wounds it’s just enough as the Executioners fail all their armour saves. The assassin has his unit wiped out from under him!
Its 5-4 to the grots, the assassin fails and breaks with the horrible Hobbs in close pursuit.
Across the other side of the battlefield, The Elven BSB strikes out at the ID BSB doing a wound.
The spears rack up a healthy 10 hits but only 3 wounds, 2 of which are armour saved.
The ID BSB decides to have a go at Spearelves to try and break the deadlock but only succeeds in pulling down a single guy.
The Blunderbuss’, despite with the aid of Flaming swords, only manage to take down a couple of elves.
However its 7-5 for the Dwarves but the bitter Elves hang on in there.
Where will this endeavour end?
Dread Elf Turn 4
More fast cavalry monkeyshines.
The Assassin rallies and turns to face the incoming Hobgoblins. ‘Grrrr, there’s a debt to be paid in green blood!’
Crippling Obesity, boosted on the Volcano Canon. Ulthred dispelled with his entire pool.
Ravens wing on the Raiders, cast and no dispel attempt possible. The Raiders swept over the Immortals managing to despatch one as they passed. They are now conveniently facing the rear of the rampaging hobgoblins.
Howzat! Saucy or what!
Pew, Pew, Phase!:
The RBTs sent two large bolts at the Volcano Daemon thing but again failed to damage the behemoth. Buggerations!
The Dark Raiders plinked away at the Hobgoblins intent on panicking them and saving the drastically outnumbered assassin that they seem hell bent on trampling; however, they only pin cushioned a single grot.
The elf BSB attempts to attack the blunderbuss guys and break the back of the unit but whiffs entirely again!
The spears attempt to make up for their leader’s shoddy show and again do a huge amount of hits and take down 3 beardy bastards.
The ID BSB swipes away one Spearelf.
The BSBs blunderbusses only score 2 hits and no wounds! Aaaargh!
The Elves win by two but still the stunties hold on in there. Good grief.
Infernal Dwarves Turn 4
The pace has accelerated drastically now. So much so that I don’t even have time to write things down, drink or smoke! Preposterous!
The Volcano Canon passes its Fury test and charges the lone chaffing herpy who holds her ground. Brave girl.
The eager Hobgoblins get into the Assassin to duke it out for Round Two.
The Immortals mince about by the wall near the forest for unfathomable reasons.
UIthred stores max tokens. Apparently he knows what’s going on. But I doubt it.
As is the norm he opened with HoM on the Spearselfages, its cast but dispelled.
Cascading Fire was summoned on the spears in alsonesssment, but that was dispelled too with triple box cars. Who does that?
Flaming Swords went on the blunderbuss unit- ‘They’re scoring: Gotta get that unit out of combat and onto the objective’. It was successfully cast and Nemeroth had no more power left to dispel with. The two resultant attributes went on the Dark riders again but both wounds are saved! Ping, Ping! Pointy ears with armour that works? Whatever next?
The noble Assassin, anticipating his untimely end, boshes his Elixir of Shadows and takes a wound for his trouble. He then sets about killing 3 grots. Again. For the third or fourth time in a row despite having 4 attacks hitting and wounding on 2s. Yup….
The grots do bugger all but as they are acutely smelly won by a charge. Go grots! The astonished Assassin held, sincerely wishing the grizzly little greenies a most unfortunate and untimely death.
Despite passing its fear test the herpy couldn’t wound the Volcano Deamon Thing and gets squashed as easily as if it aint noting but a thing. The rampaging beasty manages to restrain an over run.
Sigh, the elven BSB fails to damage any of the blunderbuss guys. Again. Deja vous much?
The spearelfs punch off 3 guys. Take that beardy f*&ks!
The ID BSB kills 2 and his unit kills 2…
Woe is me, beholden! Do we have a clear winner in this insane bout of attrition?
Nope. Nope, it’s a draw. It’s a sodding draw! Yup…really…
Dread Elf Turn 5
The Dark Raiders charge the rear of the Hobgoblins swarming the assassin.
The sorceress pokes her head out of cover to make the most of her magic.
At this point we realise nobodies got the damn objectives yet!
The Dread Elf Sorceress is a little vexed by now. Gritting her teeth she evokes Twisted Effigy on the immortals, cast by good dices. No dispel was attempted.
Crip Fat on BB cast on good also but just dispelled.
Deja vous, much? Seriously! A black cat just crossed my path…
The RBT’s both send a large bolt at the Daemon Canon thing but fluff entirely, making me consider what their use is here. Furthermore what is, for all intents and purposes, a rampaging canon toting resilience 6 monster doing on the field?
Once more the assassin kills, guesses? That’s right, 3 hobgoblins. At least he’s consistent.
The Dark Riders impale another 2 with their turgid slender shafts.
The horses manged to hoof another into the dirt.
The grots split their attacks, 6 went on the assassin but couldn’t damage him. 5 attacks went on the Dark Riders but the one wounded guy was saved by his trusty armour.
The grots somehow still have a rank left so are steadfast and miraculously pass their break!
Back over by the field, the Elf BSB swings at the Blunderbuggers slaying a deuce.
The elfies break their running and only manage to pull down a single stunty.
The ID BSB pulls down 2 elf’s as do his Blunderbeards.
The ID win by 1 but the elves hold! Damnsome brave Elfies.
Infernal Dwarf Turn 5.
The Volcanic Daemon Entity Passes its Angry test then charges into the flank of the Spearselvses despite being riddled with a nasty bout of Evil Eye.
The Immortals nimbly-bimbly about the place in the general direction of the forest objective. To be fair I think they are not playing seriously and are just messing about really.
All tokens swapped. Game faces on. Lets do some lf crushing!
The ever intrusive and inevitable HoM was dispelled.
Flaming Swords smouldered into life on to the Blunderguts unit, the attribute went on the Sorceresses capering about in midfield. Despite her flame retardant aegis a wound went through!
Then the worst kick in the dentures occurred…
Sensing Nemeroth was out of power, Ulthred sent Cascading Fire on the poor bewildered Dread Elf Mage, along with the attribute and one provided by the banner…
…One roasted sorceress. Booo!!!!! Bad times.
Huh, the damn Dread Elf BSB kills a single guy as does his Spearguys.
The Infernal Dwarf BSB kills a guy but his retinue whiff entirely.
The big volcano monster thing goes and splats 3 spear elves and stomps a wound off the BSB.
Only the BSB is left and he auto runs but is chased down and caught by the monster thing. The blunderbuss’ trotting up behind it.
Up top, again the Assassin kills 3 grots. I’m pretty damn sure we’ve been hither afore…
The Dark Raiders only mange to kill a single grot due to their seemingly invincible armour.
The horses do nothing interesting.
The grots can’t wound the assassin or the Dark Riders. The Hobgoblins finally fail their break test and high tail it off the board in close pursuit by the mightily disgruntled Assassin.
Dread Elf Turn 6
The Dark Riders skirt around to the rear of the Immortals.
The Assassin stays put, safely out of dodge.
Combined, the RBT kill every last blunderbuss in the unit leaving the BSB unscathed but very alone. But he passes his panic check none the less.
The rather persistent dark raiders can’t penetrate the immortals armour with their spikey bolts and have to be content with just sitting there out of harm’s way…or so it seems….
ID Turn 6
The Volcano Canon passes its Disgruntlement test and smashes into the nearest RBT near The Pool With No Name.
The Immortals secure the objective in the Forest of Bad Luck, Indecipherable Resolutions and Unlikely Outcomes and turn to face the Dark Raiders.
The ID BSB shoots his blunderbuss at the other RBT but does no damage. I believe he was merely making a point. A small one: Total disregard for the heathen, crude and ultimately unsavoury artillery of the elves.
Stage one of the Infernal Dwarves Phase of magic occurs in the form of HoM targeting the pesky Dark Raiders. The Dark Lord of all thing pointy eared and a little bit sadistic tried his best to elevate his forces from such abominable sorceries….But failed… The resultant Blaze Attributes killed a couple of the fleet steeds.
Cascading Fire then erupted on the same unit, scoring lots of hits. Whomever failed to dispel. Woe is me. Woe is elf kind everywhere. The attributes, both of them, caused by this casting cleansed the target from the soil entirely.
Nemeroth called it there.
DE MVP-Spears for hanging in there so long and decimating the Blunderbastards.
ID MVP-Hobgoblin spears, for the same!
Least good elf:
The execs were shite but to be fair needed a better match up. But had it not been for there original hasty deployment the ID would have sneaked the first turn.
Least Good Podgy Fat Gitz:
The immortals didn’t do a great deal of damage other than with their magic and magic banner however they did win the secondary objective. So, y’know…what to say?
Well that’s what the ID general said. If it would have me I’d have flayed the Hobgoblin Wolfriders for not adding an iota to the preceding in anyway… Because they are cowardly. And because they made theysen’ vulnerable. And because they are awesome but they were played badly. Naughty Ulthred!!!! Green gitz on doggies go a long way…if you stop them from doing anything important…hmmmm….Nevermind
Dread Elves killed 1461 worth of beardy bastards.
Infernal Dwarves killed 2783 worth of pointy eared scum.
Difference being 1322
That makes it a 15-5
Now compensating for the secondary objective which the beards secured…: 18-2.
In conclusion: I got nothing. That was mad. I’m tired…argue amongst yourselves. I like ponies. Peace. x